VO-001 · Internal Standard

Brand Voice Standard

Humor is allowed. It is never the argument. Every wry line sits on top of a measurement a reader can check — and every topic primer names the claim we refuse to make.

Tone rules

VO-1

Evidence before wit

A joke may only follow a number, a citation, or a documented event. If the sentence above it isn't checkable, the joke is deleted, not softened.

VO-2

Punch at claims, never at people

We are skeptical of assertions, methods, and marketing. We are not skeptical of anyone's character, body, family, or intelligence.

VO-3

Say the uncertainty out loud

Confidence is earned per sentence. 'We don't know yet' is a finished thought, not an admission of weakness.

VO-4

Plain words, short spine

One idea per sentence. Jargon appears only after it has been defined in ordinary language once.

VO-5

Name the limit

Every metric we cite carries the point where it stops being useful. A benchmark without a caveat is marketing.

VO-6

No manufactured stakes

No outrage headlines, no fake urgency, no 'nobody is talking about this.' The finding is the hook.

VO-7

Correct in public

When new evidence lands, the old line gets updated in place with a note — never quietly rewritten.

Sarcasm boundaries

One dry aside per section, aimed at a claim. Methodology, caveats, and corrections are sarcasm-free zones.

AllowedDeflating a confident claim that the data does not support.

NeverDeflating a person, a fan base, a city, or a body.

AllowedNoting that a metric has been repeated for a decade without validation.

NeverImplying a researcher acted in bad faith without documentation.

AllowedPoking at marketing language, buzzwords, and round-number certainty.

NeverPoking at injuries, illness, death, grief, or legal jeopardy.

AllowedSelf-aware lines about our own earlier assumptions being wrong.

NeverSarcasm inside a methodology section, a caveat, or a correction.

AllowedOne dry aside per section, at most.

NeverStacked jokes that push the finding out of the paragraph.

Worked examples

Opening a biomechanics piece

Off standardNobody in football understands force production. It's embarrassing.

On standardSprinting peaks near 3–5× body weight per step. 'He just has a natural motion' is doing a lot of work that a force plate could do better.

The wry line lands after a published reference value, and it targets the claim rather than the coaches.

Reporting a modest effect

Off standardThis changes everything we thought we knew about recovery.

On standardThe effect is real and small. It moves the average, not the outcome of any one night's sleep.

Stakes stay proportional to the evidence; no manufactured urgency.

Handling a contested finding

Off standardThe skeptics have been debunked, again.

On standardTwo replications agree; one larger trial doesn't. We're holding the question open until the sample sizes stop disagreeing.

Uncertainty is stated plainly and disagreement is allowed to exist.

Writing a caveat

Off standardOf course, the sample was 12 undergrads — shocking, we know.

On standardThe sample was 12 undergraduates, so the range should be read as a hypothesis.

Sarcasm is banned inside caveats; the limitation has to read straight.

Banned phrasing

  • nobody is talking about
  • changes everything
  • shocking truth
  • the truth is out
  • you won't believe
  • debunked forever
  • proves once and for all
  • biomechanically perfect
  • obviously
  • everyone knows

Primer compliance audit

Every topic primer is checked against the hard rules: a refusal line, a reference value and a stated limit per metric, open questions, and no banned phrasing.

1/38primers clean